This Is Why I'm Hot

WHY

................................................................................................................................................................................................................ Understanding WHY people act and think the way they do is essential for the development of people strategy. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, We must first understand that human beings are very complicated: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, PERCEPTION - Gather Information about our world: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, We use all our senses to see, smell, hear, taste and touch the world. This sensory information is gathered, selected and organized in a unique way and this becomes our perception. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Articles on Perception So you keep collecting and interpreting life in your special way and this influences certain areas in your life. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Personality: Your personality is an organized set of characteristics that influences your thinking, motivation and behaviour in different situations ................................................................................................................................................................................................................ Motive Motivation is having the desire and willingness to do something. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Emotions Emotions create a response in the mind that arises spontaneously, rather than through conscious effort. These are essential to understanding WHY ............................................................................................................................................................................................ submitted by Kathy Thomas

The Eyes Have It

So as we move off the Body Language segment, there are some things I'd like you to remember:

• Body Language is a series of unconscious gestures that display our emotional status and thought processes.
• Most body language gestures are the same world wide but remember we are products of our culture and environment....do not jump to conclusions rashly.
• Gestures are refined or modified and become more difficult to interpret:
• as we get older and wiser
• to protect or enhance our images - public figures, speakers, , managers, teachers, lawyers, politicians etc.
• when we believe we have valid motive - if we convince ourselves that the motive is valid then we have better control over our gestures
• for deception- sales people, con artists, criminals, pathological liars
• To truly understand body language one must become an observer of people, not just specific targets:

Here are a few BL Observation exercises you should try:

• watch a favorite movie with the sound off
• sit in the car park and observe the passers by
• go to the mall or coffee shop just to observe...not just the people you are attracted to but all
• in meetings (stand up, board room etc) observe the other participants, particularly for announcements etc.
• Look for subtle signs shown by politicians, news reporters, interviewers, reality show people on tv.
• Observe, observe, observe....but don't be a stalker

submitted by Kathy Thomas

Arrogant BL take Two

Believe it or not there are more ARROGANT body language postures in the spectrum of movements. So I'll take this opportunity to give you a few non verbals and throw in some para verbals. Para verbals refer to the tone of the language. THE STARE Ground Rules for the stare It gets to be uncomfortable if you go much beyond about five seconds of eye contact. Five seconds is all you need for connection. In a conversation no more than 60 % of the conversation should be eye contact. Anything more will be too intense and can be misinterpreted as arrogance. Too Much Space Look out for those who take up too much space.....either by invading your personal space, wide stance, crossing legs at the ankle, increasing their volume to fill the space. (Paraverbals)

Who are you?....who, who,... who, who...

I'm a CSI fan, but I have a preference for David Caruso's Las Vegas counterpart, whose character is intellectually humble. David on the other hand is a study in arrogance. You've got to check out his one liners and Jim Carey's version of him in the videos. ..................................................................

I before e..........

Except (put the sunglasses on) after c bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

Are you dealing with an arrogant SOB or are you one? ................................................................................................... Here's a few BL tips to look for or avoid using.

Do I have to listen to this?

Smirk - The look:.. One eyebrow hook look down your nose curl at the corners of your lips

I see much better this way.

Talk to the Hand!! Many Hand gestures indicate arrogance some more subtly than others

Finger point - These are commanding gestures and give off dominant signals.vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

You look lovely tonight.... ...........................................................................................................................................................................

It's just over there....no over there..

Palm down - Please! , Are you kidding me? Heil Hitler!

Yes!!, I spelled it right!

Thumbs Up - Yes Thumbs up can be an arrogant gesture....look for it in hooked suspenders and in pants pockets. submitted by Kathy Thomas

Liar, Liar

Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive!

Sir Walter Scott, Marmion, Canto vi. Stanza 17. Scottish author & novelist (1771 - 1832)

We all do it. Lie. For those of you, giving a vigorous shake of the head right now or eyebrow lift or head tilt....YES, you too .

Think about it. We all come with guises that force us into deceitful positions of varying degrees. As parents, we lie, Santa, Easter Bunny, birds and bees .......as employees we lie, about our reviews, confidential information, departmental secrets.

We call lying all sorts of names: fantasy, tact, comic relief, sensitivity, secrets, vows. Lets classify Liar's body language and varying degree of skills. Level one: Fibbers Level two: Scammers Level three: Paths (Pathological Liars)

Action	Details	Skill Level
Spatial Avoidance	Liars are generally uncomfortable facing those they lie to. Creating space between them and the victim.	Fibbers Scammers Paths
Hiding	Hiding behind objects, desks, doorways, counters etc.	Fibbers Scammers
Face/Mouth Cover	Direct mouth covering to lightly touching areas around the mouth, steepling on the lips etc.	Fibbers Scammers
Fidget	Nervous tapping, foot shaking, collar adjustments, lint picking, organizing items	Fibbers Scammers
Posture Changes	Crossing legs Tensing of shoulders	Fibbers Scammers
Eye Contact	Eye shifting and not looking directly at counterpart is a good indicator but the direction of the shift could be useful: Up-Right (Creating a visual lie) Right (Creating auditory lie) Please note down right is recalling feelings, not lying. Down-Right (Kinesthetic)	Fibbers Scammers Paths
Smiling	Plastering a smile on faces, giggling	Fibbers
Fake smiling	Smiling with lips only eyes not smiling	Fibbers Scammers
Slowing down	Walking and speaking slower	Scammers Paths
Behaviour Deviation	Any extreme changes in behaviour could possibly a sign of lying.	Fibbers
Delayed Emotion	Not displaying the appropriate emotional behaviour when making statement, but a few seconds afterwards. Often cutting the emotion short after it is displayed.	Scammers
Defensive	Displaying defensiveness behaviour instead of offensive behaviour	Fibbers Scammers Paths
Indirect Statements or answers	Avoiding using direct statements and quote that he said, she said. Answering with questions or humour	Fibbers, Scammers
Unnecessary Details	Giving far more detail than necessary	Fibbers,Scammers Paths

A Couple of Important Body Language Tips

Okay some important tips for Body Language Readers:

• Palms up - non threatening, open

• Palms down - authoritative (think Hitler)

• Look out for the receptive audience to your discussion or idea - palms up
• Look out for handshakes with palms down - trying to intimidate or show who's boss

• Two handed handshake - I really like you
• Look out for con artists and politician types to do this one.....it's perfectly okay to do when you want to convey deep warmth or sympathy or you are really happy to meet someone. Be careful that you observe the person's spatial preferences first as this may have the opposite effect.

• Touching lips or mouth - speak no evil

• Children clasp their moths as they lie - we're just more subtle...look out for the mouth touch

Slight of Hand

First off....I apologize for the long gap between blogs......let's just say I 've become consumed with my novella that I'm attempting. I'll probably create a blog of my journey in to the literary world so if you are interested you can take a look at that. In the meantime you hopefully have been spending a lot more time observing and absorbing what others have been doing in terms of their body language. Did you find yourself becoming more aware of your own body language? So let's talk hands. ....my models Bill, W, and Rice have kindly demonstrated a few poses. Bill's face one finger face scratch.....did you think maybe ....some deceit, possibly lying. His chin prop....maybe boredom, uninterested. And W's finger waving....dominant aggressive. Rice......something small limited....trying to convince us of little effort required. You may be right, but what if Bill was touching the zit that was embarrassing him or someone just asked W how many cubes of ice in his screwdriver. The point is when thinking body language you need to to consider the data in a cluster rather than in isolation. Interpreting body language requires an considering all the data together. This cluster as well as the circumstances gives you a better reading of the person you are assessing.

Body Language - Hands

THE KEY is OBSERVATION The Hands In politics, campaigning and ruling politicians are taught the secrets of body language as the mere flip of a hand can convey messages that can sway votes and polls. What are you reading from these hands?

Lesson:

Make it a point to observe the different hand expressions this week.

Observation:

I looked up from my book, and found my newest people reading material. At the table in front of me I began my observation of a man and woman having coffee at Starbucks. The woman (let's call her Latte) was probably late 30s, early 40s with an edgy modern short hair cut and trendy-chic clothing, blue fitted top, with similar colored scarf thrown around her neck, close fitting jeans tucked into calf hugging, high heeled boots. Latte sat straight up in her chair, one leg crossed over the other in an animated discussion, maintaining eye contact, tilting her head displaying her elongated neck. Her hands waved animatedly and on occasion she lay them open on the table, palms slightly facing. The guy, (Macchiato) with whom she had this most lively discussion, sat in the adjacent chair, his legs were firmly planted on the floor and well spread apart. He held his arms crossed in front of him and his muscular biceps were noticeable. His hair cut was somewhat military in style and he wore a simple gray tee tucked into slim fit jeans. As my intermittent observation of the couple continued I surmised that this was not a married couple. Latte I thought had, despite her chic appearance, an air of desperation....not only did she appear to eager with Macchiato, but I had seen her in the queue when she was openly flirting with the Spanish man who helped her interpret piece of Starbucks literature she was attempting to read. She spun around and lifted her face to the man at the time, asking "Are you Spanish?" his non committal answer did not seem to deter her and she moved in slightly closer on his personal space. I suspected that the clock was ticking for her. Macchiato, on the other hand, despite displaying male sexual stance had an air of protection or holding back. He definitely was less eager than she was and maintained far less eye contact. A new bit of material came to me shortly after as a young child came from the Kids Reading end of Chapters. (It's a book store-coffee shop style store) The little girl ran over to discuss something with Latte and went off back to the section of bookstore from where she had emerged. I could tell that this is what Mummy wanted as her quickly resumed her engaged animated the conversation and the uninviting body posture ( she hadn't rounded or scooped her body, but instead pushed her torso out) she displayed while the child was there. Macchiato changed his posture only slightly, he had drawn his legs closer together as if getting ready to spring into action. I didn't see when it actually happened though as shortly after I realized that Macchiato had left and that Latte was now wearing a forlorn expression ( down turned corners of her mouth) was sitting with the young child's sweater draped over her arms ...shortly after the young child appeared again and she was scooped off ....Latte and the child left together.

Interpretation:

Latte was probably a youngish probably recently divorced single mom. She is looking for a new relationship but her search is premature as she seems not to have found love of self and is desperate to fill the gap that she thinks another person can give her. When we have difficulty controlling relationships, we sometimes exercise control in other areas, her thin frame told me she was a fitness or possibly diet fanatic. The ease with which the child interpreted the "you're not supposed to be here" body language suggest that she may utilize this discipline in her mothering. Macchiato, I think, was open to sexuality of Latte, his folded arms suggested both that he was sexually potent but closed or cautious of a relationship with her. He exuded confidence and control in his posture and much as he might appreciate her disciplined body and mothering style, her basic insecurity would be a detraction.

Strategy

So, bloody hell, how is this to be useful to you. Well it depends on who you are in connection to the scene I just described. If you are Latte's girlfriend or mother, you need to help her . Encourage her to find herself and know and love that person (that's a whole other chapter). If you find Latte attractive, remember that her Latte is looking for a relationship she is going to be clingy, the void needs filling quickly. Ladies, Macchiato is probably macho, sexual prowess may be evident but emotional connections are difficult...beware.

Lesson

This observation, interpretation and Strategy only works if I read the signals correctly. The ability to read and interpret people is very complicated and the limited data I had can point me in the wrong direction. The point is though, you have to begin by being able to pick up data and interpret it. Sometimes you will hit the nail on the head sometimes you'll be totally off. I may never see Latte and Macchiato again and have not impacted them at all with my observation and interpretation. If I did see them again I would store the pre-existing data and look for more. The new data could be interpreted another way or support my interpretation ....be open to either. The point is that this reading and interpreting ability is a necessary skill and many of us do not stop to use, develop or apply these essential skills. How much better it would be if you knew what the person was saying in his hidden thoughts and subconscious or even if you tried. So next posting we'll begin exercises.