A Couple of Important Body Language Tips

Okay some important tips for Body Language Readers:

• Palms up - non threatening, open

• Palms down - authoritative (think Hitler)

• Look out for the receptive audience to your discussion or idea - palms up
• Look out for handshakes with palms down - trying to intimidate or show who's boss

• Two handed handshake - I really like you
• Look out for con artists and politician types to do this one.....it's perfectly okay to do when you want to convey deep warmth or sympathy or you are really happy to meet someone. Be careful that you observe the person's spatial preferences first as this may have the opposite effect.

• Touching lips or mouth - speak no evil

• Children clasp their moths as they lie - we're just more subtle...look out for the mouth touch

Slight of Hand

First off....I apologize for the long gap between blogs......let's just say I 've become consumed with my novella that I'm attempting. I'll probably create a blog of my journey in to the literary world so if you are interested you can take a look at that. In the meantime you hopefully have been spending a lot more time observing and absorbing what others have been doing in terms of their body language. Did you find yourself becoming more aware of your own body language? So let's talk hands. ....my models Bill, W, and Rice have kindly demonstrated a few poses. Bill's face one finger face scratch.....did you think maybe ....some deceit, possibly lying. His chin prop....maybe boredom, uninterested. And W's finger waving....dominant aggressive. Rice......something small limited....trying to convince us of little effort required. You may be right, but what if Bill was touching the zit that was embarrassing him or someone just asked W how many cubes of ice in his screwdriver. The point is when thinking body language you need to to consider the data in a cluster rather than in isolation. Interpreting body language requires an considering all the data together. This cluster as well as the circumstances gives you a better reading of the person you are assessing.

Body Language - Hands

THE KEY is OBSERVATION The Hands In politics, campaigning and ruling politicians are taught the secrets of body language as the mere flip of a hand can convey messages that can sway votes and polls. What are you reading from these hands?

Lesson:

Make it a point to observe the different hand expressions this week.

Observation:

I looked up from my book, and found my newest people reading material. At the table in front of me I began my observation of a man and woman having coffee at Starbucks. The woman (let's call her Latte) was probably late 30s, early 40s with an edgy modern short hair cut and trendy-chic clothing, blue fitted top, with similar colored scarf thrown around her neck, close fitting jeans tucked into calf hugging, high heeled boots. Latte sat straight up in her chair, one leg crossed over the other in an animated discussion, maintaining eye contact, tilting her head displaying her elongated neck. Her hands waved animatedly and on occasion she lay them open on the table, palms slightly facing. The guy, (Macchiato) with whom she had this most lively discussion, sat in the adjacent chair, his legs were firmly planted on the floor and well spread apart. He held his arms crossed in front of him and his muscular biceps were noticeable. His hair cut was somewhat military in style and he wore a simple gray tee tucked into slim fit jeans. As my intermittent observation of the couple continued I surmised that this was not a married couple. Latte I thought had, despite her chic appearance, an air of desperation....not only did she appear to eager with Macchiato, but I had seen her in the queue when she was openly flirting with the Spanish man who helped her interpret piece of Starbucks literature she was attempting to read. She spun around and lifted her face to the man at the time, asking "Are you Spanish?" his non committal answer did not seem to deter her and she moved in slightly closer on his personal space. I suspected that the clock was ticking for her. Macchiato, on the other hand, despite displaying male sexual stance had an air of protection or holding back. He definitely was less eager than she was and maintained far less eye contact. A new bit of material came to me shortly after as a young child came from the Kids Reading end of Chapters. (It's a book store-coffee shop style store) The little girl ran over to discuss something with Latte and went off back to the section of bookstore from where she had emerged. I could tell that this is what Mummy wanted as her quickly resumed her engaged animated the conversation and the uninviting body posture ( she hadn't rounded or scooped her body, but instead pushed her torso out) she displayed while the child was there. Macchiato changed his posture only slightly, he had drawn his legs closer together as if getting ready to spring into action. I didn't see when it actually happened though as shortly after I realized that Macchiato had left and that Latte was now wearing a forlorn expression ( down turned corners of her mouth) was sitting with the young child's sweater draped over her arms ...shortly after the young child appeared again and she was scooped off ....Latte and the child left together.

Interpretation:

Latte was probably a youngish probably recently divorced single mom. She is looking for a new relationship but her search is premature as she seems not to have found love of self and is desperate to fill the gap that she thinks another person can give her. When we have difficulty controlling relationships, we sometimes exercise control in other areas, her thin frame told me she was a fitness or possibly diet fanatic. The ease with which the child interpreted the "you're not supposed to be here" body language suggest that she may utilize this discipline in her mothering. Macchiato, I think, was open to sexuality of Latte, his folded arms suggested both that he was sexually potent but closed or cautious of a relationship with her. He exuded confidence and control in his posture and much as he might appreciate her disciplined body and mothering style, her basic insecurity would be a detraction.

Strategy

So, bloody hell, how is this to be useful to you. Well it depends on who you are in connection to the scene I just described. If you are Latte's girlfriend or mother, you need to help her . Encourage her to find herself and know and love that person (that's a whole other chapter). If you find Latte attractive, remember that her Latte is looking for a relationship she is going to be clingy, the void needs filling quickly. Ladies, Macchiato is probably macho, sexual prowess may be evident but emotional connections are difficult...beware.

Lesson

This observation, interpretation and Strategy only works if I read the signals correctly. The ability to read and interpret people is very complicated and the limited data I had can point me in the wrong direction. The point is though, you have to begin by being able to pick up data and interpret it. Sometimes you will hit the nail on the head sometimes you'll be totally off. I may never see Latte and Macchiato again and have not impacted them at all with my observation and interpretation. If I did see them again I would store the pre-existing data and look for more. The new data could be interpreted another way or support my interpretation ....be open to either. The point is that this reading and interpreting ability is a necessary skill and many of us do not stop to use, develop or apply these essential skills. How much better it would be if you knew what the person was saying in his hidden thoughts and subconscious or even if you tried. So next posting we'll begin exercises.